The Stories We Tell
We have been telling stories for over 30,000 years! The ones we are talking about in this article are our internal stories.
Stories have a huge effect on our emotions. We live our stories, they are an integral part of our life and have a massive impact on how we perceive ourselves and the world.
What stories do you tell yourself? What stories do you tell others? Are they helpful or are they disruptive? Some people go through life on auto-pilot and don’t recognise that their life isn’t the way they would like it to be because they haven’t listened to themselves. Or because they HAVE listened to other people’s stories rather than go inward and wake up to their own narrative.
This is the power of the stories we tell.
Here’s an example of how the same situation can be perceived differently.
A child is going through diagnoses and assessment of ADHD.
One doctor will sit the parents and child down and say – Yes your child’s symptoms indicate that they have ADHD. We can treat your child with medication and/or send you on ADHD-focused parent training and if your child’s behaviour doesn’t improve we will refer you and your child to a specialist.
The other doctor will say – You have a turbo charged mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle, and I’m the brake expert. When ADHD is properly treated, your child can achieve great heights: doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, dreamers, innovators, explorers. The flip-side of distractibility is curiosity.
Imagine the effect of the first example on the parents and child compared to the second story! It can be life changing.
Stories about the past are the ones that can keep us trapped in a cycle of repeating patterns.
What stories do you keep telling about your past? We can tell a different story when we are aware.
For example
You may have been told at school that you were rubbish at English. The impact of this could have been that you began to tell the same story to other people. “Oh I was rubbish at English at school, no wonder I’m not good at writing presentations.
Let’s be curious for a moment and wonder what would happen if you became aware that this was a story that was keeping you in a limiting pattern. How would you be able to change the narrative?
Perhaps you could say “My teacher told me I was rubbish at English, but maybe the teacher was rubbish at teaching me!”
The story Amanda used to tell, that really did have an impact on her life, was just like the one above. She thought she couldn’t write, she was often told “you’re much better at speaking than you are at writing”, so she believed it, until she was in her 50’s and was approached by a training company to write a book on Confidence. She did and is now a published and paid author!
The way you perceive a situation, think, feel and speak about it, does have an impact on your life. Knowing and acknowledging this, will enable you to make the changes that will improve your life. You are then able to release old stories and create new stories and new neural pathways in your brain.
Stories about the present. Let’s begin with the stories we tell and think about when we are talking about our relationships. A popular way of telling a story while in a relationship is “ He NEVER … OR, She ALWAYS… Have you ever wandered around the house noticing things your family DON’T do, rather than noticing what they DO to maintain harmony and happiness at home.
This brings us on to Judgement, Shame, Blame, Guilt, Justification and Assumption. When you come from a place of Judgement, you are making decisions based on unknown factors and are inclined to make up a story about a person, event or feeling, which then determines how you respond.
For example
You are on a train and a father and his children are sitting opposite you. The children are jumping up and down or running around the carriage. You are getting very cross at the noise and distraction. What “story/judgement” are you telling yourself? Is it? “Why can’t he keep his children under control? He has no respect for other people”. Then you would feel justified in making a comment or tutting and so-on. However, the truth may be that the children have just been to the hospital to see their mother who is dying of cancer.
Our self-talk is important. It can be very helpful and encouraging. Other times it can be full of judgement and simply not true. Remember to ask the question “Is it true?” Tell yourself a different story if it isn’t.
You can change the stories you tell yourself and when you do, you change your present and your future.
Learning these skills and incorporating them into our everyday lives has changed our experience of life and those of our clients, friends and family. There are many tools that we personally use and share with our clients that help us on this journey of conscious living. If you would like 1:1 support from us please contact us using the link below.
Life is magical. Conscious Living allows you to live it.
Kathy & Amanda
Supporting your journey to a Conscious Life